| There goes another day, don't suppose I'll come out to play. |
[24 Mar 2009|08:09am] |
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I can't sleep. I've slept about 5 hours in the last 3 days. I don't know of it's the zoloft or if I'm just fucking losing it. Gaaaaaahhhhhhjhhhhhfjxondbaoskdpa. Also, Sunday was Vic and my 8 month thingymabob. Cool. This relationship is probably the best thing to ever happen to me. This no sleep thing sucks, though. I'm on the bus to the city and uni, but all I want to do is sleep and be in bed forever and ever and ever.
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| You laughed at my complete lack of grace |
[03 Mar 2009|09:14am] |
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I got hit by a car a little yesterday. What the fuck, right? Ugh. I'm alright though, just went to the doctor and on the way to uni now. Have to be a trooper and all that. Uni.. We're in the middle of teching the show as we're in production week right now. Our group is doing tech for the class above, AADA's graduating class. It's... Alright. I just can't wait until we get to perform. I'm yearning for the stage and all that. My head's falling into a bit of a mess again. Mum's doing alright, thanks so much for those who asked. Thus far things are looking good but I'm still very worried. I'm neurotic, what? Bah, so worried that everyone at school hates me and finds me annoying. It's so much pressure to fit into the ensemble seamlessly and keep making good impressions, and keep impressing. That, and my Zoloft isn't fucking working anymore. My brain is still broken and my emotions are still retarded and I'm sick if being so... BLAH. I feel like I'm doing nothing productive with my life. I also have $1 to my name right now. Shit, shit, shit. I applied to a job at a call centre in Surry Hills on Sunday and just impatient to hear back from them. Also, the Video EZY across from Showie Maccas is hiring so I've updated my CV but just physically DO NOT have the time to get in there to hand it in. I'm stressing. A lot. I want to be able to write again. What happened to my ability to write? I feel like I've lost it. I'll just have to write in here more often. I think that'll be good for me.
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| I think that I could use somebody like you. |
[08 Feb 2009|09:28pm] |
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Woop, posting an update via my LJ app on da iPhonez. Mm. God I love my iPhone, even if the plan I erroneously chose is costing waaaay too much. Mm, no uni tomorrow. Having Mondays off is super, I get three day weekends every week. Staying at Vic's tonight, it's taking a while but his mum's slowly becoming more lenient about when he can go out and stay with me and all that. He's 18 now after all; it frustrated me for a while that he said things would get better and easier once he turned 18 and in some ways they've gotten worse but yeah, it is starting to ease off. Reminds me of how relieved I am at times to not be living with the parents anymore haha. On that note, I only found out yesterday morning (because Virgin have been fucking around with my phone service) that mum went to Singapore for a check up and ended up having an operation for cancer in her breast. So. Um. Yeah. I got really drunk in the city and am trying to forget it. But. Yes. Freaking out a lot, tbh. *sigh*
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| blarrrrggghhh university woes. |
[02 Feb 2009|10:31pm] |
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Seriously, three days into university life and already drowning in work! This is ridikuluz, I tell you.
I absolutely am loving the acting program I am in at AADA. It is beyond exceptional, and I'm already learning so much and finally feeling like I'm with people I can work with and understand, and who, in turn, can understand me.
Well, you know, to a point. I haven't been doing too much on the whole sorting out therapy thing at all since I have been back in Sydney, and I know it's a part of me that is in dire need of work but I'm currently a bit too financially strapped to get going on that. Meh. I have put myself back on the Zoloft (after coming off it for a while) and I think that's going okay but I can't keep putting this off, I know - I need to get on it... sometime... soon... bah.
More focused on finding a new job stat, now that I've resigned from the media agency I was at previously since working full time and studying full time don't seem to enjoy going hand in hand. I'm going to get my RSA and RCG as soon as possible (certificates so I can work with alcohol and gambling) and go for some bar stuff near to me; hopefully the Castle Hill RSL, the Hillside or the Bull and Bush are hiring soon, the Winsto's a bit too far for me to get to since I cannot drive. Blast!
Know anywhere in the Hills district or even in the CBD that's hiring for evenings/weekends/Mondays for part time work? Youth Allowance can only take me so far; come on, surely someone knows something, somewhere!
I'm glad Monday's are my day off from uni times. It's nice to have a long weekend, every weekend... even if I didn't do as much of the work as I should have with my free time. I decided valuable cuddle times with the boy were absolutely necessary.
I should get some sleep. I have two movement classes tomorrow and that is going to be hell of exhausting. I start at 9 and finish at 6, gah.
Oh, I got into University of Sydney as well, btw. Defered the offer, as I'm clearly following the acting path right now, and it's good to have a back up option just in case, but I'm still stoked. :)
Lots of love.
xx
Ohhhh I totally forgot. Are you on Twitter? If so, follow me; I'm "pandabelle" =]
going to bed now. srsly.
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| the control room contains a mixing desk the size of a single bed |
[24 Oct 2008|10:18am] |
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mood |
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Chris Garneau |
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Life is good. It's actually really, honest to goodness, damn good right now.
I chopped off a lot of my hair and have a pretty straight fringe in the front now.
Here is a photo! Psh, cam whore.
My weekend is looking very busy, have a looksee.
Friday!
- Jager bomb, jello shot and sangria (yes, I made my own sangria... it smells nice but haven't tried it yet, eep. Nervous!) adventures at Jane's house (Vic's best friend) and then we all stumble up to Towers and watch a movie while very drunk
- Sleepy times at Vic's house
Saturday!
Depending on the weather, for we hope to gods that it is sunny...
- Going to the beaaaaach!
- Vic and I go to Newtown and wander around looking for fun things, Victor would like a vest and tie for his formal and Annabelle would like pretty little vintage goodies of randomness, and then we will eat lunch!
- Vic and I go to see my extended family for my cousin Logan's birthday dinner in Parramatta
- If we have energy and/or time after, pop into Mars Hill Cafe for coffee and bein' cool indie kids doin' their chill thang... or something like that
Sunday!
- Vic works morning shift, Annabelle rocks up around 11... if I'm even awake by then, that may be wishful thinking. It's highly unlikely but I will try my best!
- Ben picks us up from Vic's house, and we go to the Dank Street Festival in Waterloo for awesome amounts of art and design and food and coffee and drinks, oh god it will be awesome
- SYDNEY ZOMBIE WALK! And I'm a photographer so dress up in your best darn zombie gear, and be at Hyde park at 3pm and you might just end up in a zombie coffee book coming out next April!
Very busy, I'm quite excited. It should be a lot of fun.
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| while you were sleeping. |
[04 Sep 2008|09:50pm] |
while you were sleeping,
the babies grew,
the stars shined and the shadows moved.
time flew, the phone rang,
there was a silence when the kitchen sang.
its songs competed like kids for space.
we stared for hours in our maker's face.
they gave us picks,
said, "go mine the sun,
and go gold and come back when you're done."
while you were sleeping,
you tossed, you turned,
you rolled your eyes as the world burned.
the heavens fell, the earth quaked.
i thought you must be, but you weren't awake.
no, you were sleeping.
you ignored the sun.
you grew your power garden
for your little ones,
and you found brides for them on christmas eve.
they hung young cain from the adam trees
and danced.
while you were sleeping,
i tossed and i turned,
til i closed my eyes
but the future burned through.
the planet turned a hair gray
as i relived the day.
while you were sleeping,
the money died,
machines were harmless and the earth sighed.
through the wind, you slept sound,
and gravity caught my love around.
the ocean rose, sang about decay
while witches flew
and the mermaids stayed.
full of dreams, you overslept,
and keeping with quiet, through the walls i crept.
i walked on tiptoe, sent darkness swirling over all the kitchen in the early morning.
i'll never catch up to you.
who sleeps so sound?
my arms are useless,
my heart beats too loud to go to sleep.
my mind's too proud to bow out.
while you were sleeping,
the time changed.
all your things were rearranged.
your vampire mirrors, face to face;
they saw forever out into space,
and found you dreaming in black and white
while it rained in all the colors of the night.
i watched the tvs,
memories,
championships,
vanished to sea.
could it be, my honey, between you and me?
so i waited for the riddled sky
to be solved again by sunrise
and i've made a death suit for life
for my father's ill widowed wife.
did you have that strangest dream before you woke?
cos in your gown you had the butterfly stroke.
did it escape you like some half told joke
when you reached for your plume of smoke?
it'll haunt you, my honey bee.
anyone who is anyone has that same dream.
were you falling?
were you flying?
and were you calling out,
or were you dying?
thank god you're up now,
let's stay that way.
else there'll be no mornings
and no more days.
cos when we're dreaming,
our babies grow,
the sun shines,
and the shadows flow.
time flies,
the phone rings.
there is a silence,
and everybody tries to sing.
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| Conor in October. Thank you. |
[14 Aug 2008|09:11pm] |
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music |
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The Conversation - Motion City Soundtrack |
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"I haven't been gone very long, but it feels like a lifetime."
OKAY. This is my life, now. As usual, bullet points are just so much easier, for both you and me!
- I moved out of Jakarta about a month and a half ago, back to Sydney. Spent a week in Singapore with Dj, which was.. different. Things are very different, now. Which is unfortunate but I think that with the passing of time and whathaveyou, we're both changing into very different people. I still have hope for someday, one day, but for now I know I need to focus on the here and now.
- I have my own house! Well, not really my own. I have two flatmates, one of whom is my landlord also, Andre. The other guy is Michael, he only just moved in this weekend though, and prior was Shartina, but she moved into her boyfriend's place. Andre and Michael are both 26 and work full time, Andre also studies at uni part time. He's a really fantastic guy, really nice and been so helpful at getting me settled in. It's been good. And oh lordy I got it LUCKY. My house is amazing, no joke. Photo album on facebook is publicly linked here! Check it out.
- I've found a "new" boy. His name is Victor Porto, or Vic. He's pretty much the best thing to happen to me in a long, long time and I'm happy, and for now that is all I am going to say. =]
- I've been off my meds for a month. I ran out a couple of days after I got to Sydney and haven't had my Medicare (health insurance) sorted because I put it off for the last fucking month but I did it today. Which means I need to get medicated soon, soon, soon. Because frankly, while things are SO much better here for me without the stresses of Jakarta and mum and Alex and dad and whatever, I'm still crashing and burning pretty badly, emotionally. Everything is starting to get very, very, very scary and very overwhelming, and I'm not sure how to deal with it and I miss being in therapy and I miss home, I miss Jakarta, I miss my dog, my room, my house, my maid, my mum, my brother, my dad, everything.
- It's very lonely here for me, despite the friends I have. Are you in Sydney? Would you like to be friends? Oh fuck christ fuck I sound so desperate. Blergh.
- I went to the Splendour in the Grass festival up in Byron Bay first weekend of August. It was AMAZING. Sigur Ros, Band of Horses, Lightspeed Champion, Vampire Weekend... mother FUCK I could have died so very happy. I've got three albums up with pictures on Facebook, if anyone's interested at all. Doubtful, but still, if you are, I'll link you. Anyway, went up and stayed with my friend Elliott, which was a lot of fun. We had a good time. Lots of hippies there. Amazing veggie burgers. I had gumboots. With KOI FISH on them. Yes, they were that fucking cool. Basically, one of the best times of my life.
- I have been desperately looking for a job. I've had two offers but I don't want those jobs, for a number of reasons. It's LAME.
I'm listening to "The Conversation" by Motion City Soundtrack, and a heap of Bright Eyes songs, on repeat. It's not good for helping me keep my chin up.
I'm sad and tired now, and very cold. I hope you are well, wherever you may be. I love you all.
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yes_panda_no's journal
tired
complacent
